To be a Freelance Copywriter or not to be?

So out of all the hair brained money making schemes my mind has come up with (I’ll tell you later how I wanted to teach people how to write sci-fi novels….when I hadn’t done it myself) I think I’ve found one that’s a bit realistic and doable.

I want to become a freelance copywriter. It’s the perfect job for a money making obsessed student like me. Plus freelance means I can have as much time as a Time Traveller….Okay maybe not.

But for people to hire my super talented self, I first need to have a portfolio of work. Seeing as its going to be hard work convincing people to pay a Physics student money to write some words, I’m going to have to initially make some stuff up. Then I can offer my services for free. And finally actually start getting paid for my work.

But what to make up?

Well there is a candidate.

I got this thing through the mail the other day.

[table id=1 /]

Being the curious geek who’s had digital priting experience, I was naturally intrigued. I also love Netflix, my only criticism being that for now, they don’t have the range of choice a Film buff like me needs. So I opened it up to read what they’re sales pitch would be.

I was horrified

Netflix Sales Letter

Netflix Sales Letter Top Zoomed in

Netflix Sales Letter Bottom Zoomed in

Hopefully you can read it from the images, and if you can’t don’t worry. All you need to get to understand my horror is the amount of times the word “FREE FREE FREE” is scattered around. Also the base of my horror, is just how many call to action’s there are.

The 1st Rule of Copywriting, there are no rules. The 2nd Rule of Copywriting, if there is a rule it’s ONLY HAVE ONE CALL TO ACTION!!! ONLY ONE YOU FOOL!!!

How the hell am I supposed to become interested in what you have to say if you initially are telling me what to do? I don’t like being told what to do. And you shouldn’t either.

Imagine your a single guy. You see a girl you like. You think you know what she wants and likes. You go up to her. However before you chat her up. You say, “here’s my number” and hand it over. Do you think that:

a.) She’s going to take it?

b.) And if in the offchance she does take it and doesn’t slap you down for being the creep you are…. She’s actually going to stay around and listen to what you have to say?

No. She won’t.

And neither would a potential customer if you go to him “BUY ME, BUY ME!!!” and don’t tell him why to first.

Close at the end. Just like you would with a girl. (…If your a guy. I can’t speak for women as …. I’m not a woman)

So, David Heasman, in a fit of anger and lack of anything else to do. Sat down and gave his potential copywriting skills an exercise. The exercise was to write what he believed would be better.

So here it is:

My draft of a Netflix Sales Letter


My plans from here:

  • Send a copy to the VP of Netflix
  • Write a more interesting, more funny version of it
  • Make this the first item in my portfolio

Stay Tuned!

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